Sunday 16 December 2012

A nation in tears and the debate that goes with it.

I woke up the other morning to tragic news, I couldn't believe another school shooting and this time little kids. Tiny precious people who barely have lived. Kids who still believe people are good and life is full of rainbows and sunshine. Kids who were waiting in anticipation for Santa to come.

Since I live on the other side of the world i quickly got on line to see what I could find. The news wasn't saying much and all FB had to offer was people's stances on gun control. This has been a debate I've heard my whole life. One that gets stronger every time this happens and one that may never go away. I have vey mixed views on this, and since I currently live overseas I'm not even completely sure what the current laws are. I grew up with a dad that hunted,I know how to clean,shoot, and care for a gun. They were in my home apart of my life. I knew they were dangerous and not to be even looked at with out my dad around. So what makes me different than this shooter? Why have I not turned to violence? I could go on and on about violent video games and lack of parenting but this is not what this post is about. People seem to argue if your around guns you will use them. I don't necessarily believe having guns is bad but here is my first response. Know your kids, teach them right from wrong and if you have angry or depressed kids get rid of your guns. Keep guns locked up and keys hidden. I don't feel it's necessary to have semi automatic guns available for sale. Why would you ever need a military type gun for general use. I also can't understand why you can purchase riot gear or bullet proof vests. Why do you need those for general use? I don't necessarily think getting rid of all the guns are going to solve anything. This problem is deeper than all that. Why are people like this young man not getting help? Why are these troubled kids not seen and helped? I don't feel like this is anyone one problem. It's not one persons fault. It's due to a series of problems. I don't know his family or what his life was like so I won't say I have all the answers or even speculate what his problem was. But what I do know is this. Our nation is in pain. Children are scared to go to school and people are reacting. People are running to churches, debates,and opinions to make them feel better. We are slinging violent opinions at each other,not even caring how it makes the other person feel. What makes us any better than this young man? We are automatically putting blame one one type of person, or a group of people with certain beliefs. What we should be doing is banning together in love. Make the victims known and celebrate there life. We need to learn to see people. Say hello to people on the street, care about your neighbour, get to know someone who is different than you. We need to stop being violent with our words and start loving. I'm mot saying your opinion doesn't matter I does. I just stated mine but please think of others before you speak. And to all those affected my prayers go out to you and your families and I am deeply sorry this happened to your beautiful baby.

Thursday 13 December 2012

It's been a while

So it's been weeks since my last post,but I still have a lot to say. I'm not sure what's been stopping me busy life, no time, writers block, or maybe a little of all of it. Even at this moment I'm not really sure what to talk about. My life lately has been centred around my one year old and Christmas. I love the Christmas season it's bright and cheery and magical and dramatic. It's never perfect and it's crazy but I love it. I've enjoyed this season with J it's his second Christmas and its so much fun and difficult at the same time. He loves all the ornaments on the tree and he's pretty good at looking and not touching but every once in awhile he says mama no and hands me an ornament he's taken off the tree, oh well at least he can say the rule. He's at a very unique stage right now. He's growing and learning so much and most days it's a blast but other days man he is lucky he is cute! But even at the end of the hardest day all he has to do is say mama and hold up his chubby little arms for a cuddle and I'm hooked and all is forgiven.

I've been processing another warm Christmas, I don't know if it will ever become normal but I'm definitely used to it. I get very confused when I see my friends in sweaters and playing in snow. There are some things I really love about an Aussie Christmas. BBQ breakfast, not being freezing cold waiting to open your presents till the heater kicks in. Getting to stay up late on Christmas Eve because its still light out and well I'm the mummy now so I do the telling When it's bed time. But I have been very confused buying gifts I keep thinking I should buy my husband sweaters. Isn't that what you buy at Christmas time? I'm very excited to watch my son on Christmas morning he's just starting to know what presents are so hopefully we don't loose the plot quickly this year and enjoys it. Although I'm sure he's going to love the wrapping paper and boxes much more than the gifts under the tree.

We did buy a little tree for our little house and we love it. It's is our third Christmas here but our first tree. Our first year we were at some friends for Christmas so no tree the second year I was pregnant and oh so very sick and almost forgot about Christmas and so this year we are in our home puke free and not pregnant and ready to settle into yep we live here and here is our tree to prove it. I feel like buying a little tree is a big step when you are an expat. It's much more than a simple decoration it's a statement. Its says this is where my roots are going. I'm buying something I have to store because yep I'm Planning on being here for a few more years! Or maybe it is just a tree you decide...

Ok I know it's not much of a post but I have to get my blog flow going again....

Saturday 17 November 2012

Streets of gold

I've talked a bit about my little street and village before but let me paint you a better picture. My street is full of empty and broken people and shops. It's littered with bars that have topless waitress and girls on the street corner looking for there next job. Our nights air is cut with the fights of drunk men from the bars fighting about pointless things I'm sure, or people talking to people or things only they can see. Most of the shop fronts are empty broken down and covered in graffiti.

But today was different, today our streets were filled with cheering and laughter . From my window I heard families chatting and the sounds of sausages on the BBQ. Today our Main Street that our bedroom window looks out onto was closed for our towns billy cart derby. This derby started in the early 1940's and stopped around 1987 but this year it was back! It was incredible to walk down our street and to see every shop open and people even selling stuff from there homes. There was a small carnival and a car show. We had people selling things to benefit our community and an incredible band starring my awesome husband and a few of our great friends.

Our little town is incredible but it lives in the dark, it's known as a fairly rough,spot but I see so much beauty and hope here. The people who live here believe in there town and want to see it grow and become the amazing place it used to be. I really believe that today was the start of something beautiful for our little town. My little man loved all the activity in town. He ooh and wowed as the cars raced down the street. He danced and clapped as his daddy sang Bennie and the Jets on stage. And he was all smiles as he went oh the giant slide with his aunty. Today He new nothing else other than his town was made of Gold.



Tuesday 6 November 2012

One life

I got this bracelet from a friend who just took a trip to Mexico, it says you only live once. As I thought deeper about it I started to wonder what this phrase means to me now. If I had gotten this a few years ago I would have taken it on as my mantra to do all I wanted to do. To go skydiving, and bungee jumping. See the world, have fancy clothes and basically do what I want when I wanted. But maybe I'm getting older or maybe my world view is changing but when I read something like that I want to take a very different action. I still want to see the world but instead of taking photos and seeing the sites I want to meet people and tell there stories. I want to not just walk in there shoes but carry there jug of water or basket of food. I want the world to know and see what is really going on outside of our little bubbles.

I want to see a cure for childhood illness. Now I'm not a scientist in fact I only passed biology because my teacher took pity on me. But I can do something raise money or give kids a voice. The fact that 46 children are diagnosed with cancer each day is not ok with me!! How is this happening to our tiny world changers? My best friends daughter has been fighting a juvenile auto immune disorder for the past few years. I've watched this happy little active girl fight to live a normal life. But man she's one hell of a fighter. By the smile on her face and the love the in her heart you would never know. I want her to have a cure, and all those like her.

So there is only one life that I'm going to lead. I sure hope at the end of it I can turn around and look at all the steps I've taken and see that they have led towards change. That my son grows up knowing that if he fights he can change things. That he doesn't have to settle with the way things have been done. So I'm going to wear this bracelet to remind my self daily the change starts with me.

Sunday 4 November 2012

Same same but different

When I was a kid I had family and then I had friends, they were different. But as I've gotten older those lines have gotten fuzzy. The need for a top down parent relationship vs a peer relationship that causes change in me has become stronger. I've been very lucky in my life to have many friends who have become family as I've moved my location and done different things.

My husband met his best friend in the third grade on the first day of school. That was also the day he met his cousin. They have been best friends for 20 years. They are what we call cousin friends. He is lucky enough to have a best friend that inspires and challenges him to be the best version of him he can be. Some of us aren't as lucky to have real family who are also our very best friends.

I have a great lady in my life and she once told me friends are simply the family you choose! Well wise lady you are correct! I have many friends in my life who I call family including an amazing family who I call mom and dad and my son has as aunties and grandparents.

It's not that my real family are bad or awful but as I've grown and my life has changed different people fill that family role. Different people have become all the different roles I need in my life. And for that I'm so thankful that friends and family are same same and only a little different.

Saturday 3 November 2012

Concrete playground

I grew up on a farm, I spent my days playing with various animals and running as far as I could I fields. I never thought one way or the other where my child would play. But we have found ourselves in a cozy apartment on top of a few empty shop fronts on the Main Street of our city. Our bedroom window looks out to a cute cafe and a few art studios with the ocean in the background. Our back yard consists of a concrete courtyard and a tiny patch on lawn that is home to our clothes line. We have lots of hard rocks and a somewhat busy street to play near. I'm pretty sure the thing that really got my son walking was he was sick of getting scraped knees from trying to crawl outside. We love our little street but its not what I had so I don't really know how to navigate it for my ever busy and curious baby boy.

A few weeks a go a friend posted on of her amazing blogs and she was talking about a few other blogs she had been ready and one was about urban living. I became encouraged and inspired.

I love our neighbourhood, I love that we stop by and say hello to the couple who run the little store where we go and get bananas in the morning on the way into work. That they know my son by name and give him sugar treats whenever we stop in. I have learned to embrace this concrete playground that we live in. The walks to our friends house and the creativity I need to have for my son to play outside. We love to go to the library and morning walks to say hello to our neighbours and shop owners, and when it rains we head to the little playground at the shops or to our local play cafe.
It may not be ideal or what I had but my baby loves his little village.

Thursday 1 November 2012

Oh Happy Day

 

So Monday was my Husbands 30th was on Monday and to celebrate we decided to take a special family day. So we headed into the city for some fun. I still can't believe that a day in the city is Sydney, Australia. I'm not sure if that will ever seem normal. We hopped on the train for the family fun day Sunday pass which is the most amazing thing for a fun day on a budget. We first headed into Paddy's market which is basically a giant warehouse of people selling things you probably don't really need at a price that makes it seem like you should have it. For Aaron's birthday his family all got together and bought him a new Ipad and so we went to paddy's to find a case for it. after the Market we headed to the Australian museum. yep we are a bit of a geek family. We love museums! This one though was pretty cool but not worth the $$ we had to pay to get in. Jack did love the kids area. He was so cute wondering the kids area in some kind of costume trying to talk to the little girl who was reading a story in french I believe.
 



Next came a Delicious Ice cream sundae from the Lindt chocolate store. Nothing beats Hot fudge and brownie mixed with delicious vanilla Ice cream.  The best part was that our sound asleep baby woke up just in time to help us finish off the last few bites. My son has a sixth sense when food is on the table and he is missing it. We also bumped into a really cool car show and a few random hippie festival and the celebration of some Chinese Australian thing. We decided to to hop on the Monorail to the mall. The monorail has been there forever and they are taking it down so we decided to hop on before it's gone.
 
Dinner we roamed through Chinatown to find the best deal. I love how they all stand outside there restaurants holding out basically the same menu as the restaurant next to them trying to lure you in. We declined on the first guy since his restaurant was completely empty at dinner rush time. The next lady was the sweetest old grandma who made jack smile so we walked a  little farther and then picked her. When we were at the museum earlier in the day I found these amazing dinosaur training chopsticks so  I picked them up for Aaron and forced him to eat some of his meal with them. Since he's actually been to china I think he was a bit embarrassed to use them but I got enough to snap a photo. He will do almost anything for me.
Last stop was Starbucks. We don't have one anywhere near us and they are always a fun treat. As soon as  I walked out with my grande Carmel machiotto my son wanted some so I went back in to get him his baby chino. He loved it!! He's my little side kick and loves doing whatever mummy does! We then headed back to the train station to hop on the very cold train for the two hour ride back home. We were all exhausted but had a great day. I love that our little guy loves to travel and wonder the city with us. He's so easy to take around as long as he gets to get out and walk a little.
A very Happy 30th to the man who loves his family so much he will sleep on a cold train with a baby on him!! We love you!!!


Monday 22 October 2012

Comparisons kill

Like most people I compare myself to everyone, I wonder why I can't do this like someone or that like someone else. It's frustrating and tiresome. Just when I think I'm being me and doing better I see some one and think oh man If I only had that. Most things I have myself to blame. I was looking at some blogs last night and thought oh man my blog is just the stupid slandered template I'm so jealous of all the cute creative looking blogs out there. But the reality is I haven't even tried to figure out to make my blog look better and does it even matter? I don't even know if any one is really even reading this besides my few friends.

I compare my child's clothes to others I see on the street or friends on FB. I wish and dream of the day when maybe we will have "real" jobs so my child can wear all the labels I love and be the cutest boy on the lane. but reality is it's not about the clothes he stinking adorable in everything. My little man has the best personalty and smile that's what makes him cute. He's happy and fun loving and has the greatest laugh.

I compare myself I compare my writing or teaching or clothes or personalty. I compare the way I parent or the things that we do during the day. I compare the shows I like or my taste in books or music.

comparisons kill, the kill my time and energy and friendships. I don't really want to be anyone but me. I have everything I need. An awesome husband and the best baby boy in the world. I have friends and Family all over the world who love and support us as we step out on this crazy adventure.

So why then? Why if I know all these truths do I still compare?  I don't know that answer but hopefully one day I will grow up and get over it.

Where fitting in leads you

So I've been reflecting a lot the last few days on life and what it was like and is like to be a teenager, trying to fit in yet trying to be your self all at the same time. It never made sense to me then and it still doesn't now. It seems like every one is dying to be different but then if you are different you really want to be the same and some how someone gets to choose for you who is cool or not and then if you aren't "cool" you have the OK to pick on the person who is actually doing what you want to do and that's to be different.  OK so did that make sense to anyone cause now I'm confused all over again.

What led me to all this was simply a story I read on a social media site about a young girl from North America who was bullied online by her peers for various reasons which resulted in her taking her life. If that wasn't bad enough it didn't end there. These peers of hers are continuing the abuse on a site dedicated to her memory!! I read that and just thought you have GOT to be kidding me!!!  How is this possible? Who would do this? I can't comprehend this. Now I know  I wasn't always the nice kid in  High school, I was picked on when I was young and I grew up and did the same thing others did to me. I loved gossip and I hurt others. Hurt people hurt other people. I know that it wasn't right and i would change it if I could believe me! We didn't really have all the social media sites they do now days but I couldn't ever imagine doing what kids are doing now days to other kids.

My next thought was how does this happen? I defiantly want to blame parents and yes I'm sure there is truth in that. Why are parents not monitoring there kids stuff? Why have they been able to grow up thinking it's OK to make fun of or bully anyone for being different that's a earned behaviour. It's also society. Our world is so diverse but really only if you choose it. If I wanted I could allow my son to never socialise with someone of a different race, religion, or any other thing that makes us different. Which  could make him believe that being anything but what he is, is wrong, weird, or worthy of being bullied for. I want to blame social media and how it doesn't protect us. It took me forever to figure out how to protect my sons pictures and even then who knows who has seen them or stolen them on the Internet.  Young kids are posting every small detail of there life not realising that once it's online its there for the whole world to see even after you delete it.

We are all different, and to that I say thank you God for creating us to be diverse, to each have our piece to the puzzle of life. I need people who see things differently that can point out when I'm wrong. (which isn't often ask my husband) who can do different things than i can. Friends who parent different so i can learn other ways. Neighbours who help me learn to love  in a new way. kids who with out knowing it point out every flaw in me and challenge me to fix it.


So please next generation fight to be who you are! Fight against the society who is putting a label on you. Fight for the things that you believe in and the things that define you. Please be careful on social media learn how to protect your self and please only allow your real friends access to your life. Friends stand up for one another fight with your friend when they are being picked on or made fun on. I know it's on a thousand cheesy school posters with kids from the 90s but by not saying anything you are agreeing. You may not think so but ask your friend who is being picked on how they felt when you sat there not saying anything to help them. And parents please look at what your kids are saying to other kids. Take your child out into the world let them love and be loved by different kinds of people.

Baby J and his friends in Cambodia
Baby J and his Kiwi Auntie
Baby J and our beloved Neighbour
Here are a few pictures of the many kinds of people who love my son and who my son Loves most in this world.



Thursday 18 October 2012

Rainbow pools and orange faces

Today was the kind of days you take photos and want to remember. Today was a day full of smiles and giggles. oh sure it had it's moments. My small boy decided to leave a trail through my entire flat with my hair ties. There had to be at least 30 black hair ties scattered from my bedroom to the kitchen.  We had a play at the park and lunch at a friends house, and then a mostly wonderful nap. He slept for about twenty minutes in his bed when he decided he would much rather be cuddling with me on the couch while I watched House. I was able to slide out from under his little grasp undetected and get some house work done. And then as promised the night before we blew up the rainbow pool and had a splash. my little boy loves splashing around his little pool, he is defiantly a little Aussie water baby!  He's such a funny little boy and he loves doing what we do. Daddy shows him how to fill up his little toys with water and use them to fill up his little bucket. He watches once and then wants to do it himself. I had a great evening cooking dinner and watching my little man run around with his daddy playing peek a boo behind the stairs leading to our cozy little flat. We had a great dinner of my sons favourite food in the world NOODLES!! my child will eat pasta in any shape and any flavor. Tonight was a creamy tomato pesto that left my little man Orange from head to toe!

Today was a good day, mostly because I chose it. He still cried and made a mess, refused to do what i asked but at the end of the day he's sleeping and I know he's happy and healthy and dreaming of his little rainbow pool.

Wednesday 17 October 2012

Him VS Me

Some days I feel like I am playing a game of his needs VS my wants. Some days I look around at my house that seems to be always messy. The spots on my floor that return minutes after I wipe them. The crayons that are scattered all over the house.The items that used to be in one room but little man has rearranged it for me. The afternoons that he's so tired and refuses to sleep and all I want is him to go to sleep so I can have a cup of coffee and quiet. Some days all he needs are extra cuddles and  and I want him to be asleep.  Some days I get frustrated way to easily with the 14 month old boy who is learning his boundaries.  Some days I'm annoyed that he seems to have selective hearing already. Isn't that supposed to happen at 14 years not months?

But then at the end of the day I walk by his crib and I see that sweet face and  I feel bad. I realise again all those things don't matter. He will only be this little once. So tonight I let him stay up a little longer for extra cuddles. Tonight we had yogurt before bed as a special dessert. and tomorrow we will blow up the new rainbow pool and have fun.  I don't want to miss all his silly cute moments because I'm more concerned with my wants over what my little man needs. I want to not care that he likes to help me fold laundry by pulling it all down off the table. Or scream his little head off every time I go to warm up his food. I have the funniest little man. He has a sweet personality and he's full of fire. He loves to play pretend and watch Elmo. I can't help but laugh as he talks to him self and wander around the house.  I'm not a perfect mom I know this but I don't want to miss to much while I figure it all out.  He's my little miracle and I don't want to take his younger years for granted. I have a happy healthy man and at the end of the day that's what matters. Not if I have a clean floor, or if all the toys are in the right place. So tonight as I walk by his crib I will give him an extra kiss on his blonde little head and whisper all the fun things we will do tomorrow.

Monday 15 October 2012

A Special Day

Today is our good friends Aussieversary!! He came from Canada four years ago to start an adventure. Ya Ya has spent the last four years teaching us all about integrity, Honesty, and how to get over our fears. He has loved our children and made us all look good in front of the camera. Ya Ya has taught me to not be afraid of books with big words, and even use tthose big words in sentences. He's made us all aware of fonts and how to appreciate the good ones. Ya Ya you have have brought us joy with your dancing and laughter with your dad jokes! But most of all you have brought us a new appreciation for coffee!!

Thank you for being teachable and allowing us all in your life. I have learned alot about standing up for what I belive in by watching you live and the choices you make! Thank you for loving my son even when he is yelling his gibberish in the office as you work. we are blessed to call you friend and Ya Ya.

Happy  AUSSIEVERSARY to the worlds best YA YA!!!
 

Sunday 14 October 2012

How beautiful are the feet

A few years ago I spent a few months in India. It was hot and dirty and I fell in love. I fell in love with the food, the colours, and  with these feet and all the feet of girls like her. You could say she is one of the lucky ones she was born a girl and her family loves her. But even though she's in a good family her life won't be easy. There are hundreds of thousand girls who aren't  that lucky. Some are aborted as soon as the parents find out they are having girls, some make it to birth but are left at the hospitals. Even those who are lucky enough to make it home don't have it easy. They are often the last fed in there homes, the last ones to get an education if they get one at all. They are sold into marriage at a young age and then the cycle just keeps going.  Even if she is able to get an education she won't have as many opportunities as her brother.

I met a young girl about 7 at one of the slums who had to quit school and take care of her baby brother all day. This included all the house hold chores and cooking on an open fire. I don't think I was even allowed to use a toaster by myself at seven let alone cook over an open fire!

I was reminded today by my wonder women to not get frustrated by the things that I can't change it's a waste of time.This is true there are many things in my  world I can't change, But this I can change! These feet are not a waste of time! The fact that there are hundreds of thousands missing women in the world needs to be changed! The fact that women are killing there baby girls because they would be better off than living the same life they had needs to be changed! How do we change this? well first these girls need a voice. I'm sure many of the states in India would say they are doing things about it. They are outlawing the dowry system which still happens, It's illegal to find out the sex of your baby but that doesn't stop families from abandoning there baby girl. It's about education, educating women, giving them jobs and helping them and their community to see there value. It's about the world getting behind them and saying No More!! this isn't going to happen anymore. So today I'm saying No More to this. And now you all know about it. So what are you going to do about it now?

Vintage dreams

So I love my job and my little apartment above a very um colourful street, but some days I dream. I'm sure we all dream about what our life would be like if only..... For me it's what my life would be like it my husband and I had normal jobs with normal paychecks. My husband and I are so blessed please don't get me wrong but I still dream.

Tonight my dreams were of the clothes I would love for my son. I found an amazing website called Fore!! Axel and Hudson and it was full of old soul golf inspired things! it was amazing. My son is an old soul like his mother. I love the few items of clothing I have that look like miniatures of my grandfathers clothes. I dream of newsboy hats and sweater vests for him.

My dreams were also filled for my little apartment.  I dream of the day I can fill my cupboards with mason Jar glasses and dishes from the 70's. I dream of velvet vintage lounges and floor standing lamps.

As I write this I am very aware of how petty it sounds. We are blessed with food every week provided by our loving church. We are provided monthly with financial support from a group of people who believe in the work we do. We don't go with out. My son has more than enough clothes and books and love. our house is filled with things I'm sure we don't really need. we are healthy and blessed with people from far away places we can call family as we are so far from our own. My son has more aunty and uncles than he will ever know what to do with. He's growing up traveling  and seeing the real world from a very small age.  But some days I dream.....

P.S. Congrats to my baby sister I'm sure you were a beautiful bride today!!! thinking of you!!!

Friday 12 October 2012

Green pants and Dreadlocks

So today continues the pursuit of dreadlocks. My sister in law worked last night for about 3 hours and we have a head of sectioned hair and five beautiful dreads. Well I'd say beautiful but my family would say YUCK!! So then why I am I doing this if so many are apposed. Well because I'm almost 30 and I don't care what you say any more. This is not out of defiance or because I'm a big girl now. It comes out of I no longer what to live in fear of what others think and say. I've thought about doing this for 15 years that's half of my life I could have been living with dreads and I haven't only because I was afraid of what others would say. I'm very self aware  I always have been. I've struggled for years with eating disorders and anxiety all because of others. Sure I've made choices along the way that haven't helped but it's been the fear of others that have gotten in the way.

A few years ago my mom was taking a few of us girls shopping for Christmas. We were at Jcrew picking out some corduroy pants and they had every colour including green. I loved them I thought they were amazing I had to have them. I tried them on and put them in the please Santa pick these pile! And Santa brought them to me. I've only worn them a handful of times why? because people have commented on the fact they are green and I got fearful that I was a walking Christmas tree in October. So I long to wear them but they never get picked.

Now I know in the grand scheme it if all this could simply be a first world problem, who cares if I keep my hair curly and only wear sensible coloured pants? There are much bigger problems out there and yes this is true. but the problem with keeping these things hidden is it's also a part of me. And I'm amazing baby!!! by continuing to keep parts of me hidden is letting me grow stale and stagnant. A river can't let only part of it's water go into the ocean or the part that doesn't go will get all nasty and dry up. I'm meant to be something and do something. I want to teach and help the next generation know things about life that were kept hidden from me. I want to help the next generation wear there green pants. There are people who have the answers to childhood cancers, that can stop wars, and have ideas how to just do life better than we are doing. But if they are to afraid to wear green pants and get dreadlocks this world may never change.

So I'm pushing 30 and I"m finally ready to say yeah this is who I am, I'm a writer and a teacher, I like green pants and all things granola. I'm shy and loud and I'm going to change the world. I hope that my son grows up in a world that he can be and do what he wants with no fear, but first he needs to see his mum do that. He needs to have an example.

So today please wear green pants!!

Thursday 11 October 2012

Trying to click my heels

Three years ago my husband and I made a choice to move on the other side of the world from our families. He's Canadian and I'm American and we are doing life in Australia, which we love. But it raises it's challenges and it cost us a lot. We miss out on every birthday of a loved one or a special friend, I can't just stop by with a coffee when my best friend is having a hard day. I wasn't there to hold my niece when she was first born. And I didn't get to say goodbye when my uncle passed. Joys and sadness is shared over poor connections of Skype and are often interrupted with um what did you just say??  But we do it and we love what we do here, the people we meet and the places we go.

At the beginning of August my oldest sister got married. She wore red and all the guest wore white. I wasn't there, I didn't where white, I wasn't there to watch her say I do, to eat a cupcake, and drink with my new family.I look up to my older sister. She's the strongest lady I know and she deserves all the best in life.

A few week later my younger sister got married. I heard she looked beautiful. I don't know because i wasn't there. I didn't see her walk down the aisle, I didn't get to watch my new  brother wipe away a tear as she came down the dirt path to him. I didn't get to be a bridesmaid, or watch my son carry a ring. I didn't eat a hot dog or drink root beer with everyone. That day I was sad all day she is not just my Hermana but my  best friend. We used to live together and share a tiny bed and we loved it.  I should have been there to make a toast to say welcome to my new brother and good bye to my little sister.

And in two days my baby sister gets married. In two days she gets a new last name and a boy will be sleeping in her bed. In two days she moves out of the family house and I'm not there. In two days she will slip in to the most beautiful white gown and be surround by the people who love her the most. She will like the other two walk down the aisle and I will not be here. I love my baby sister more than she knows. We had a rocky start but I'd say we are pretty solid. I love that face that she has and the heart is just as beautiful. She deserves this very special day!

They all three know I wish I was there and that I tried. But I hope if they read this they see a little more how special they are to me. The four of us are all very different. We all have different last names. Some of us have different birth parents. And we have all walked very different paths. But we have one  thing in common. we are connected to the most amazing family. That has taught us to stick together no matter what. That loyalty and family is the best thing in life. And nothing can break this bond of crazy sister hood the four of us have!!

So to my three sisters and especially you today face I'm clicking my heels trying to get home

Wednesday 10 October 2012

The first of many

 I have started this blog for a few reasons one I'm turning 30 in a few months and have realized I have a lot I want to say to the world. I have no idea if anyone will read this or even care but I have a voice a small one compared to the amount of people in this world but it's a voice that should be heard. It's a voice that wants to speak up for those who can't. No correction it wants to shout for those who can't. My hope is  that this will be a place that I can allow myself and others to explore all the stuff that's going on in this world big or small. I want a place to be open and honest and human.. Some days that may be an injsutice in the world or it may be the fact my 14 month old has once again decided to rearange my cuboards, who knows but this is going to be my place for my voice.

Well I guess now to introduce myself for those readers who have stumbled upon this and have no idea who i am. I am a mum, a friend, a wife, a daughter, a sister( not always a great one), I am a lover of Jesus, a fighter of injustice, a phtotgorahper, a traveler, a reader, and a lover of all things chocolate, I am expat living in a foreign land, a song writer for my baby boy, a leader, an artist with crayons, a baker, and a movie watcher, I love to learn and try new things, I'm crafty,and funny, I'm a bit granola and most would say I have an old soul.

I have many more things to say but I better leave it at that and go clean my kitchen and start dinner while my little man sleeps.